Category Archives: Sleep

Stress reduction

(First off, thank you lovely Mr Wibsite, for getting me up and blogging again! Much appreciated.)

Now, where was I? Oh yes, we were in the middle of yet another work-related drama. Which took another unexpected turn, and finally had me concluding enough was enough. So, I’ve worked my last day in the smaller role, (one day a week, casual) will give myself a few weeks with just the main role (four days – three on a permanent contract, one casual ) and them pick up either another day’s work there, or look for a two day job elsewhere. Confused? I’m not! I am so relieved it’s all looking so much simpler again.

So, four day weeks for a month, in the hopes it will also help the exhaustion, and erratic sleeping, and review it after that. I might even get all those words written!!

Get a life..

My New Year’s resolution.

It’s been the strangest few weeks.  I’d spent Christmas/New Year raging against the Whole World, feeling completely isolated, and unable to do anything – talk to anyone, face anyone, write much. I was as tired at the end of the day as at the beginning, though I’d managed to drag myself into action on a couple of fronts, but basically spent the time in a deep fog of  “Why am I bothering ?” and almost total inertia.  [I know – raging and being in a fog and almost total inertia don’t sound as if they should go together, but in Japes’ world, they do!] To the point of worrying myself enough to wonder if a trip to the doctor might not be a  bad idea.

Last Tuesday morning was back to work morning. I’d calmed down enough to be rational in the conversations I needed to have, and had my tattered, but just about workable professional mode wrapped around me.

I found myself completely thrown by the news that morning on the Ship of Fools, I never usually log on before work, so what made me do so is beyond me – other than it gave me a sense of perspective back, along with a resolve I was taking no more crap, I wasn’t the only one who needed this ridiculous way of getting paid sorted.

It took until yesterday to get a definitive answer on the work front. It’s satisfactory for now, but not a long term solution. Satisfactory enough for me to remain in the job for the rest of the academic year. Not satisfactory enough to make me want to remain in this type of work and with a long commute for longer than that! I’ve done the commuting for a year or more longer than I wanted, anyway. It’s too much, both financially and physically. Not only was I worried enough about how I didn’t bounce back during the holidays, as I normally do, but someone who knows me really well, who saw me at the lowest point in the whole process, earlier this week, was also threatening to march me off to the doctors, asked all kinds of awkward questions about whether or not I was eating properly (I am, before you also enquire!) sleeping properly, (um… well… OK…) and in short gave me the kind of lecture I’ve been known to give my students.

Several of whom I had a very memorable chat with this week! Which boiled down to the fact we recognised in the other similar ways of coping with the crap life throws at us. I was explaining I was being the bitch from hell in my private life at the moment, and saving all my niceness for work, as dumping all the nastiness on those I worked with just wasn’t on… but doing the same to my friends wasn’t on either, and so I was isolating myself, and making myself feel worse, and really struggling with how to get myself to break down the isolating barriers.  Well, the floodgates opened, (and they offered to come and beat up anyone who was hassling me… I declined, but was deeply touched by the offer as I  understood the spirit in which it was made!)  and I probably got more real work done with the lads in that hour than in the previous term.

I’m still really, really tired. I love the work I do, but the stress surrounding it is becoming too much. There are glimmers of hope though, and that will do for now.

Strange goings-on

Goodness, what a difference a couple of hours makes! I got home earlier than usual, as there was no work to do that required me to remain on the premises, so I had a nap, had a bath, cooked and ate my dinner – and have a weekday evening with a certain amount of energy to do something I enjoy doing, rather than slumped wondering when this day will end!! I’ve seen my area in daylight in the week, which is also strange! I wasn’t expecting to do that again until the clocks sprang forwards next March.

What a difference cutting Facebook out of my life has made as well… I’m still thinking about it, but somehow, ever since I did it, if feels as if a huge mental burden has gone. If I reactivate the account, there will be severe pruning happening. Interestingly only one person has made any comment about it… and it’s sparked off an interesting train of events. Which reminds me, I have an email to write, now I’m calm.

Now, to go and have a proper lie down. It’s been cruelly pointed out to me Advent is approaching fast, the annual Card Writing Extravaganza will be upon me, and careful thought needs to be given to the annual letter this year.

Only six more sleeps

then a whole fortnight to myself… getting up when I like, not going on a bus unless I want to go somewhere I want to go to, interacting only with those I chose to, and a chance to chill out properly.

Maybe also a good chance to get my head around a goodly number of things! This last few weeks have been abysmal for that, and that was pretty apparent during a discussion I had with someone the other day, when if I’d been the other person, I’d’ve got very exasperated with me being uncommunicative and sulky, and would have said a lot, lot more, much less politely than was actually said. In retrospect, I got off pretty lightly, really, though that’s not what I thought at the time.

Oh, and for those trying to guess what my typo the other day was, none of you are right, though sheep was always a good possibility!

Temptation resisted

I phoned the bank today to order a paying in book, and discovered they were keen to upgrade my account, as I have, thus far, proved to be an exemplary customer.

To be honest, at the moment, there is only one thing I would like from the bank account I have, and that’s a better debit card, as the one I have has its limitations, one of which being unable to pay for train tickets by card.

But, I listened to what was on offer… then declined!! To the obvious astonishment of the woman at the other end of the phone. I don’t want an automatic over-draft facility, nor did I want any of the other things on offer until my income is more settled. At the moment, on my current tight and somewhat erratic income, I do not want to be tempted into debt.

I am also trying to resist the temptation to fall asleep – it’s been a long work week, and it’s not finished yet!

It’s been a long, long week

One of those weeks where nothing happened on the usual day.

This last six or seven weeks have been incredibly educational. It’s confirmed the fact that I am not an early morning person, and forcing myself to be so is not being at all good for me. I’ve reached this point feeling exhausted, run down, and wanting to do little but sleep. This is as tired as I was by Christmas this time last year! Mind you, I didn’t shove in a couple of house moves, and a complete change of life this time last year….It’s also confirmed I am not a person who works well in a large institution, and that it’s also not good for my equilibrium. Still, the coming week is a lot more relaxed, and I even harbour hopes of getting a couple of late mornings and maybe some early nights.

I’m also aware that I’m extra tired because I’m doing a mixture of work that is very new and demanding, and work that I’ve done before, but am relearning things I’d forgotten and there are also new routines with it, that I’m working in three different jobs, that I’m living somewhere temporarily and am having to think constantly about so many different things that I used to do automatically. It’s also that I’m getting desperate to get my own space, and my boxes unpacked and sorted – which I’m delaying doing until I’ve moved again, as Plan A, to do them here, got thwarted by the speed at which I got busy.

Yesterday was an exceptionally long day, but well worth it. I was delighted the coach arrived slightly early, thus enabling me to catch a bus home with only a two minute wait, rather than the half hour wait I was expecting. Even if I got a fright, as I’d forgotten the route changed slightly on Fridays and Saturdays after 9.00 p.m. and I thought we were going the wrong way, or I was on the wrong bus, going to my previous address in this city. (I am amazed I’ve not done that yet!) A group of us had gathered for a memorial service of a incredibly memorable woman, who had impacted on all our lives in so many ways! I’d been detailed to provide the music. So, before the service, I did a clarinet medley of hymns and songs specific to the group I belonged to along (with a good third of the congregation,) which had been founded by the woman we were gathering to remember, and then played the organ for the rest of the service.

Still, tonight I might even get an extra hour’s sleep!!