The God and church stuff has been going through a major blip again… honestly, just when I thought it was on an even keel, at last, back it all went into roller-coaster mode. Which, as work proceeded to do exactly the same more or less at the same time, meant the Japes’ coping mechanism of hiding in a back corner, preferably under a duvet, activated with great speed.
So, I tried going to church only every two or three weeks, stopped saying the Morning Office before going to work, Compline before going to bed, stopped reading theology, stopped playing the piano and singing along to whatever I chose out of my 50+ hymnbook collection, only prayed in intercession for others.
I have finally realised it just isn’t going to work! Pah. God is devious… and has even produced a cast iron reason for me not to abandon the church I’ve been going to, for now at least. I even have company in my back corner, very unexpectedly.
I always seem to have a very fine balancing act constantly going in my life as to whether I find being with other people exhausting or energising, through all this last few weeks it’s been totally unbalanced to the exhausting end of the scale. Which then leads to a lonely, isolated, exhausted me, who has no time for the really important people or activities in my life, and basically is just not nice to know.
So, today, I have reconnected myself to my prayer routine, tomorrow, as well as the work list from hell… I need to re-connect to my life, as I need to live it. I may have to do some grovelling, and will probably get at least one justified telling off for isolating myself to no good purpose…
I’m glad I watched “Whale Rider” again last night – even if it made me cry!