About feeling more settled!
I’ve been feeling thoroughly out of sorts for weeks now, and disinclined to write, or talk, or be with people. When I have been, I’ve ended up apologising for nasty comments, or misplaced anger. I’ve reverted to silence, and keeping myself to myself in the hopes this phase will pass soon.
Some of it I know will settle soon – I just have to possess my soul in patience to see what will happen at work. This week should at least clear some of that up.
Another bit of it, in theory, is settled all bar the last vital piece of paperwork. But, waiting for that is being so frustrating. It could be stuck on two different desks or in-trays, or just not yet have made it’s way to the top of two piles of work. I could make noises about it all, but know that now isn’t a good time for either of the owners of the desks/in-trays , and waiting for another two or three weeks would be better.
Some of it has been changing work patterns. Some of my work is liable to change, and I know that. It doesn’t mean I find it easy, much as I’ve enjoyed the new challenges of this week, and will enjoy the next four weeks until the next set of changes.
Some of it is acknowledging to myself that, despite all my efforts to pretend otherwise, I am very angry with God, very angry with myself, and don’t like it being this way. But, I feel better for admitting it all – just got to do something about it now.