Monthly Archives: June 2010

Routines, me? It would appear so!

Pah. Try as I might to deny I am really a person of routine, this past three weeks or so has confirmed that on a day to day basis, unless I stick to a routine that works, things get forgotten, misplaced, and I get more than tired.

At least, on work days I need to have a routine that minimises thinking and maximises efficiency. (At least, that’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it!)

So, a fortnight of changing travel arrangements has thrown me.. and in that fortnight the travel arrangements I’d changed from and fondly thought I was changing back to have changed, too!! It now seems I may be marginally closer to the better of the local train stations, now the new road has opened, and I’m going to test that out tomorrow morning.

Woefully, I have had my usual effect on bus routes. (I’m convinced I only have to use a bus route regularly for less than six months and it’s all change) I have carelessly misplaced two from my beautifully convenient bus stop at the end of the road since I last used it. Honest, I only had just over a fortnight off bus usage, the whole system can’t be sulking because I had a little variety… can it?!

To add to my discomfort, my work routines are slowly disintegrating. That happens at this time of the year, though, and thanks to the inefficiency of those I work with, I will at least be working as near a normal couple of weeks until the complete change (for four or five weeks,) then holidays!!!

So, if my own life has hit a bit of a limbo, so has work, and there’s no telling what will happen, on any front!!

Happy now!

Scotland won!!

For the less well informed, there are also Rugby Union Internationals going on at the moment, and I delightedly discovered Scotland had a match against Argentina last night. I followed it on the internet as there’s a delightful little page that updates every couple of minutes, which is useful because it’s far less stress-inducing than watching, on the whole (watching Scotland can be a painful experience) , but did mean I occasionally produced loud yells of delight when Scotland scored.

I’ll have a smile on my face all day today!!

Some days…

like today, I’m just not very communicative. I don’t want to explain “why”, because I often don’t know “why”.

Some days, I do not have the emotional or mental energy for other people. It’s not anyone’s fault, or problem. It’s just the way I am made, and the way I handle things.

Some days, all I need to do is curl up in a corner and wait for my mental and emotional energy to return… mostly, I can do that without anyone knowing it’s what I’m doing, because I’m very good at looking as if I’m engaging with the world around me, but am really off in a world of my own. But, some very rare days, like today, my physical energy is also utterly drained and my body rebels as well, so all I can do is what I did, phone in sick (which I was when I phoned in – I had the most colossal headache which has only just subsided) curl up and hope it’s only going to be today… which it looks like being. I’m here writing, so my mental faculties are certainly returning, though I am still ignoring the phone and e-mails, instant messaging and chats are switched off, and I am not playing any games on that site where I have several games of scrabble and wordscraper on the go, .. because some people I know have difficulty accepting this totally introverted side of me, because they only see the lively, extroverted, enthusiastic side. Which they only see so much of because I am careful to make sure I got enough time, and space to re-energise myself so that these days of being totally unable to face the world because I’m so wiped out are very much a rarity now.

Some days are just for me… and I won’t apologise for that.

Now most other things are settled…

or well on the way to being settled, is it finally time to be a little more settled about church? Don’t know… Need to think about it.

I have a few more Sundays filling in for absent organists at a couple of churches, but today, I’m back at “my” church. I have managed, somehow, to remain an anonymous pew-sitter there for six months. I haven’t given my name to anyone, and only two people have ever approached me to ask for it, and few people will have noticed I am there! (It will be interesting to find out if I’ve been missed these last three or four weeks. ) I’ve been very last minute arriving, and almost the first to leave every Sunday and feast day I have been there.

Let me stress, this is no fault of the people or clergy there, they are not an unwelcoming church, in times gone by this is exactly the kind of church I’ve loved to be a part of, and I’ve been the one giving off “Leave me alone” vibes.

I have persisted in going partly because it is my parish church, and it’s within easy walking distance. Partly because I promised various people I would continue to go to church through this very odd time, even if I couldn’t bring myself to be a part of the church community. Nor did I know if I was going to be here for long, but now that’s clearer, I think I do need to make my mind up about church.

There are options!

  • I could carry on going to church here, begin to emerge from my back corner, and see if I can find a niche there. Musically, they do not need me.
  • I could make it known I’m looking for a church who need a competent, but not brilliant organist/pianist. Because, I’m acutely aware organists are a rare breed, and is it right for me not to use those skills when there are churches who need an organist/pianist.
  • I could start somewhere new.

One of the big questions for me over the last year has been about being a musician in church. Is it just a job, is it part of worship for me, do I hide behind the keyboards? It’s a huge commitment, and my priority this year has had to be my paid work, which has been emotionally draining¬† and very tiring. I have not wanted to go to church to be even more exhausted.

I had an interesting conversation with one of my godsons recently, about whether God might be cross at me for a decision I’ve made, which has turned my life, in theory, in a totally different direction. I explained it might look as if I’m going against what has been God’s purpose for my life, thus far, but actually I think God’s more delighted I’m doing what I’m doing now, which is far more akin to what I always thought I should be doing with my life anyway!!

I think, I’ll just go to church this morning and see what happens!


My halo!!

Fortunately, this state of feeling truly virtuous will not last for long, and normal service will soon be resumed.

I have done most things on my Things To Do During This Week Off List – which includes wandering out to get the last load of laundry in (once I’ve had my coffee and written this – I do have priorities, you know) and do the ironing. It’s included a pretty thorough spring-clean. It’s included mowing the lawn, and being remarkably chuffed with myself for beginning to get a bit of a grip on this garden caper. It’s also included a whole load of bitty tasks for work which I never seem to get around to doing in the week at work, and tend to ignore on the weekends. (Bad, but true.)

I’ve also got a car for a little while, so am enjoying getting lots of little tasks done that I’ve been putting off doing because doing them by bus is a pest. Or rather, I’ve saved most of them up for this few weeks, knowing it would be so much easier.

Much, much more importantly I’ve spent time with my god-children. They are gorgeous.

So, once I’ve done the aforementioned ironing, I’ll be ready for the next three or four weeks of work, and can justifiably have a lazy and relaxing weekend.

That was a bit of a mistake.

I woke up at a reasonable hour this morning, and thought “I’ll go to the mid-week Communion service! I’ve not been to “my” church for a few weeks as I’ve been playing elsewhere.” Worked well, I thought… get the house sorted, go to church, get the shopping, relax before cooking for the evening’s guest…

Alas, I got treated to a full length sermon, (on a Wednesday! on a Day in Ordinary Time!) as well as Book of Common Prayer Communion (I can cope with the latter, but prefer not to have to,) as well as halving the average age of the congregation. Now, I guess this priest, who was unknown to me, was aiming his words at the regular congregation, who he obviously knew, but talk of stereophonic music systems, 1940s children’s books, and quite a patronising tone of voice as he explained the Trinity as if no-one knew what the concept was (which puzzled me) did little for me. It certainly won’t inspire me to go to mid-week services again if that’s the norm.

Which is a shame, because I like small, quiet mid-week services and, now I’m getting my going to church mojo back, I would like to go to them more regularly, definitely in holiday times. But I’m not wasting half a morning being irritated…