Daily Archives: April 2, 2010

Food for thought, indeed

In the end, I went to the church I went to last night, rather than go to the Three Hours in the next parish along. It seemed to me if I am making an attempt to settle into a church, then whilst I’m doing that, I should stick with it.

I am very, very glad I did.

After the emotional turmoil of last night, an hour of the Stations of the Cross, and two hours of quietly sitting in church, reflecting, was exactly what I needed to acknowledge to myself that somewhere, somehow, God’s got whatever I need, when I need it, and He is there to hold on to me, even if it so much doesn’t seem like it at the moment.

For now, it’s horrible… and I just have to accept that for now.  It was odd that Good Friday was strangely comfortable. I think I seem to be in a long Good Friday/Holy Saturday anyway, and today everyone was with me, rather than me kicking against everyone else!

So, I am grateful that I went, thankful that for now I’m peaceful about it all, and I’ll see what happens come Sunday…

I was going to be so good as well…

I think my sense of proportion, which has been sadly missing for weeks now, has returned more or less intact. Which of course, could or could not have something to do with my frank informing of the Almighty precisely what I thought of Him right now.  Which may not have been very nice, or very holy, but it most certainly was honest.

Or maybe it’s the fact I’ve caught up on sleep…

Or that I am feeling connected with my wider world again…

Or that the sun is shining…

Or, amidst my failed attempts to be good I turned various bags and files out in my attempts to find a bill that needed paying “on 01/04/10”  and eventually managed to pay it with an hour to spare before it became 02/04/10.

(And yes, in between trying to stay in church for the whole of the Maundy Thursday service and Watch, informing the Almighty of my current thoughts, pondering what Jesus might have been like as a teenager, having various painful memory flashbacks, I was praying frantically for this bill to turn up.)

I will, however, remember to pack the hankies and a cushion to take to church for the next three hours.