Monthly Archives: February 2009

As promised

Today was a veritable whirl of domesticity, interspersed with spreadsheets, and computer house-keepery stuff, (Firefox is back on my computer and I’m enjoying remembering the things I really liked about it! Though much muttering and unsuitable words were uttered as I added things on to it.) and phone calls, and writing long involved e-mails to a friend who has been picking my brains about a situation they know I’ve had experience of in my own life.

I had to keep saying “This is only my experience of this kind of circumstance, remember, grief and bereavement’s different for everyone. What helped me might not necessarily help someone else, no matter how similar the circumstances are.” Not sure it was heard, but I’ve done my best! Regardless of experience, I’m still struggling to write the card to send.

Tomorrow I revert to a former incarnation as a regular organist. I’m filling gaps, two a month, rather than taking it on long term. I can’t, anyway. But it’s regular gaps. One week it will be the rickety one manual organ that will exhaust me, as every single key needs a different touch to get it to sound, and needs much bashing. The other week, thankfully, it’ll be the much nicer, smoother. altogether more co-operative beastie.

I’m also starting my annual clear out of all things I don’t really need…. mmmm.

Peeks above the parapet

Not sure if it’s the fact it’s getting lighter, or the fact my least favourite month of the year is almost over, or the fact I’m just suddenly feeling a huge sense of “all will be well” about a whole heap of stuff that was looking like it was going to overwhelm me in a most unhelpful way, but I’m feeling so much better about life, and the universe than I have been for some time!

I shall rejoice and enjoy it!

But, I have a domesticated day ahead of me tomorrow, and I shall need all my strength.

Good night.

Gulps…

and prays hard. I have just booked myself onto a retreat. It’s the last thing on the To Do list I was presented with six weeks ago, and that I will be having to report on next week.

I have been resisting having an eight day individually guided retreat since the disastrous one I was coerced into having about seventeen years ago. I have a few days retreat most years, it’s always been on my own, silent, and away from people. I’ve always talked about it afterwards, but have preferred to be on my own.

I’ve been muttering for ages I don’t “do” Ignatian. I have trouble with imaginative prayer, I struggle with whether or not I’m “doing” it right, and as to what happens when my imagination runs riots…. I even thought by having a spiritual director who’s evangelical would help me continue to avoid Ignatius and all his works. Failed completely. I’m not getting away with it this time. I was smiled at gently, and had it suggested maybe it was time to let my imagination run riot with someone who might just understand it. God is very devious, methinks.

Actually, I’ve not quite managed all on my To Do list. But it’s not my fault I had a bit of a bruised hand crisis, and serious piano practice has been off the agenda for a few weeks. I returned to one of my regular piano playing paid jobs today, and I can still feel the bruising.

Anyway, I am organised for Lent! New books are purchased (One Bible Study, one Lent book I liked the look of! you have no idea what a treat this is) and Tractor Girl’s list for balance.

I wonder if it’s right to be selling Fair Trade chocolate on Ash Wednesday?

Last few hours

of freedom before the return to work tomorrow.

It’s been a good few days away, and I’ve been able to forget about everything, except what to read next in the light fiction line, (A combination of PD James and Harry Potter mostly! With an interesting novel about conjoined twins as a sidetrack.) or where to go on the couple of days I had a car at my disposal.

I happily called a halt to the deep thinking that’s been going on, and refused to answer any phone calls, emails or texts. I’ve had one little bit of interrogation on my return, but I’ve neatly avoided the direct questioning.

But, my goodness, the blog posts pile up when I’m not watching!

So, I’m away to spend some time catching up before sleeping!

I think I made full use of that bus ticket!

Buses are interesting around here. There are several companies, two main ones for the city, with several littler ones, and one of the main ones also doing further afield, along with several others.

Now, on my Work an Hours Bus Ride away day, I have three choices. I can go on the one that serves city and county, and get an area day ticket, and that’s every half an hour. I can go with a different company, every twenty minutes, but only get a return. I can, if I time it right, and the trains are running well, go by train, once an hour!!

The advantage of the first choice is whilst I work at one part of the campus, occasionally, I have to go to the other one (like I did today) and the internal free transport system does not work in my favour!

Anyway, today, I went out to feed friend’s cat at very stupid o’clock, (four miles in opposite direction to main place of work) went to finish off this weeks hours at work, went to main campus, came home, and went to check on friend’s cat again.

I spent the journeys sorting out my mobile phones texts (I must ask my non-church going sister why she wanted to know the name of the local vicar’s wife a few months back) writing mental packing lists, and pondering why I’m having a ten day break at a time of year I never normally contemplate inflicting myself on anyone.

Well, I know why really. I’m just not used to being anywhere other than one particular place and with one particular group of people at this time of year, and it’s very odd not to be there this time. But, it’s right and appropriate.

Time to pull the rucksack out of it’s hiding place, and the laundry out of the airing cupboard. No point in putting it all away before packing, that’s a waste of energy.

How can this be?

This being the season, my two blue rugby shirts have come out of hiding. One is my official Scotland shirt, and one is just the same shade of blue.They’re jolly cosy, and helpfully can be worn under official clothing in church. Always useful when it’s a cold February day, and you know you are going to be in church for a while for a funeral.

But… they are somewhat looser than when last I wore them. Considerably so. As are all my jeans. I have had to bring my belts out of hiding. I’ve had a few weeks of wearing them for one pair of jeans which have always been loose, but not for the pair I’ve not worn for about five years. Until last week.

I thought the scales were broken, and telling me fibs about the figures I’ve not seen for some years now, but it would seem not! I knew I’d lost a little weight, but it really does seem I’ve lost as much as the scales are telling me.

It would also seem that only eating when I’m hungry, and not bothering much if I’m not, apart from the evening meal which it’s rude not to eat if someone else has cooked, is working. Either that, or this current very strange phase of my life is more stressful than I’ve realised, and I’m reacting by not eating much.

Semi Snow Day

Since I missed out on a snow day last week, since I am caught up on my work, since my room is tidy, and so is the rest of the house, and since I committed the heretic sins of falling asleep on both Saturday and Sunday afternoon, thereby missing the opening games of the Six Nations, I have awarded myself a semi-snow day today. Especially after this morning. It was a very tiring morning – and it wasn’t even me being assessed!

I was caught out by an unexpected e-mail this morning, querying why my name wasn’t on a list. It’s not there for an excellent reason, but the reason is not going to get explained to those people receiving the list for a couple of weeks. I wish I’d known about this list, because it’s going to cause that which I was hoping to avoid – rumour and speculation. I hate this half and half stage of some people knowing what’s going on and others not.

I also had a run in with a friend over the weekend, and it’s going to take a bit of time to untangle. But, I’m not going to be an intermediary, under any circumstances.

I also, for the first time in a very long time, found myself unable to sing one of the hymns on Sunday. It’s a bit noticeable when you’re in the choir. It’s a lot noticeable when you’re usually one of the ones who can be relied on to be bouncy and cheerful, and it went for a long walk for the duration of “Follow me, follow me.”

Ah well, it’ll all make sense soon. I know I’m doing the right thing, those who know me best are all being really good, and those whose sense of God I trust have all assured me I’m not mis-hearing. It’s scary.

Points to ponder

I think what little brain I have has turned to mush, very mushy mush at that.

Whilst almost every school in the area has been closed on one, if not three days this week, yours truly had a planned week out from one place, and the other was resolutely open. The establishment a bit further away was open on the one day I go there.

I’ve finally sorted out all the stuff that’s been kicking around since the weekend. I seem to have acquired six rolls of DuckTape and one of Hazard tape…. you could be sure if I’d not had any, we’d’ve needed them.

I think I’ve had too many deep and meaningful conversations with too many people in the last fortnight. I am now putting a mental moratorium on any further discussion until Phase Two is gone through. I refer you to the aformentioned mushy brain syndrome, which was compounded by discussions today of matters of How To Communicate With The Young At Church, and I seem to have found myself with a big task on my hands. (I have no problem, I talk to them, and they seem to talk back… We also use Facebook, with their parents consent and full knowledge.)

I have finally sorted out some time away.

I have also sorted out a whole load of paperwork!

Over and done with

I am never putting myself through that one again. Working in a visual and creative way with someone who doesn’t, that is.

Creative liturgical events are great things to be involved in, but only when there are more people than me who can think visually, think practically, and not panic when the technicals go a little awry. Trying to run a music rehearsal, and be the one who had all the practical answers was also a bad plan.

However, ’tis done, and I slept the sleep of the justly weary once it was all done, and I had been delivered safely home with all my bags of gubbins that I’d slowly taken to church in three separate journeys on foot.

Today, I should’ve tackled a pile of neglected chores and tasks, but decided I was still weary, for as well as a heavy work load, there was also much stuff going on behind the scenes of my life… and I was waiting for a couple of decisions to be made about some timing of various things.

It now seems, with a little negotiation, (I feel the Diplomatic Services may have been a missed vocation) what I wanted to happen in the way of who knows what before anyone else, is going to happen as I would like it to. In an open, honest way, rather than an evasive one likely to create hassle! As well as leaving me feeling under a lot of pressure to be quiet about stuff I actually need to talk about, but feel I can’t at the moment. Confused? Me, too!

But, in the meantime, I feel kind of cheated out of an unexpected day off, because I was already going to have a planned one from an educational establishment that is having a seasonal weather-related closed day tomorrow. I’m not needed until after half term, so have my Tuesday afternoons free until nearly the end of February now!

Now, I’m going to have an early night! What do you mean, 22.47 isn’t early? It is in Japes-land!